10 minutes on a jump rope = harsh reminder how long its been since I’ve used a jump rope and just how much coordination it takes vs. how much coordination I have.
50 sit-ups
50 walking lunges
50 sit-ups
100 jump-ropes (the instructor called them something else)
50 sit-ups
50 burpees
50 sit-ups
This series of exercises was timed, and let’s get something very clear: burpees are straight from the devil. After the first ten of the first set of sit-ups I began to fear the hour-long class wasn’t going to be long enough for me to get through all of this. After the sixteenth walking lunge I feared the time it took for an ambulance to come get me would count against my score. And after the second burpee I looked more like a drunk, fat octopus trying to jump up, jump down, kick my feet back, jump up and repeat. I did about 10 wildly modified versions of those before resorting to some weird jump up, flop around, dry heave, repeat maneuver.
One lady in class cried and surprisingly it wasn’t me. I hated it all, though, and with each movement of my body I had more and more shame to silence before I could move on to the next thing. And that’s been the biggest challenge so far– not letting embarrassment win. To keep going, keep showing up, keep trying no matter how strong the shame gets.
I keep telling myself that the more I do it, the harder I work, the less shame will have on me and it will eventually have to shut the fuck up. Or at least pipe down.
…looking forward to that day.
One lady cried and it wasn’t me HOWEVER there have been several times when it almost was because punching and kicking stuff brings up a lot of emotions. I wasn’t prepared for that. I find myself punching the bag and in my head that bag becomes a person. Together we have one more argument, only this time I say all the things I need to say,
and this time I’m not afraid,
and this time I win.
Punching stuff brings me into a zone where I get my power back.
Shame has no voice when I’m in that zone, it’s only strength I hear, so Krav Maga Day 2 will become Krav Maga Day 3.
You can’t tell how sweaty and shaky I am from this picture so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
jennifercaress 